mom envy

I like to cook, bake, garden, sew.   My baby wears cloth diapers, we compost, cultivate an organic vegetable garden, homeschool and my house looks great in pictures. There are a lot of blogs out there written by these super moms. I like this creative, green lifestyle. Sometimes I suffer from mom envy though.  I really wish gardening worked out for me.  I want to make my own laundry detergent and shampoo and bake bread, and have the kids particpating in all of these learning activities.
But we all do what we can and have to be ok with that.  I do manage to use cloth diapers. I buy veggies at Farmers Market and almost always use cloth bags.

This morning I made zucchini carrot chocolate muffins. Turned out well, except the clumps of baking powder that didn't mix.  And I made eggs with potatoes and spinach.  I used a cast iron skillet cause that's the good way to cook, right?  Half way through I switched it to teflon cause the eggs were sticking.  So I include a couple photos here, to show the reality of being a mom. The dirty dishes, clumpy muffins, etc.

Though, I did get these things done before noon and without a crying baby, so hey, points for me!

Operating Instructions

Have you read Anne Lamott?  She has written many wonderful things, but parenthood seems to be awesome fodder for writers, verdad?  There are so many parts I want to quote.
"He's losing his hair, but his acne is better.  My acne is about the same, but on the other hand, my hair isn't falling out. At least that's something."
Liam's hair is falling out in back from laying on his back so much.  He looks like a friar or a monk.  Anne Lamott refers to her son's hair loss also like the ring around Saturn or a very very old monk.

And last night I ate my dad's awesome mac and cheese (way to reintroduce dairy and test the dairy allergy theory, right?).  Nursed a lot, and so far so good.  I don't think the dermatitis/ezcema/whatever it is is any worse.  Speaking of nursing, we are doing more of it, and less pumping!  Slowly but surely.  I knew we'd get it eventually (and at least he has always latched, unlike Lupe. that has never been the problem), but I have just felt too tired to try a new routine, I was just getting the routine of pumping.
"Oh but my stomach, she is like a waterbed covered with flannel now.  When I lie on my side in bed, my stomach lies politley beside me, like a puppy."

Asleep...

It's 9:21 and  I just put BOTH kids to sleep at the same time!  The advantage to Lupe no longer taking naps is that she is asleep in 3 minutes usually, after the book, and the story about one of us when we were little and a little more talking.  Then I say "Night night" and boom, asleep!  So I put Liam in his cosleeper, ready to pick him up and nurse him if need be, and he fell asleep!  For the first 6 or so weeks, my mom was coming over when Pedro worked nights, to be with Liam in the linving room while I put Lupe to sleep.  I didn't know how I would do it by myself with the two of them.  Plus, I was recovering, and I would stay in bed until Pedro got home, then I would get up to pump. 
Now, do I blog, waste time on Facebook  ( I had been feeling bad for spending so much time on FB until I cut myslef some slack realizing that not leaving the house much it was my connection to the outside world.  Now, I think I need to cut back, just as I am cutting back Lupe's video watching.  Diego and Dora are coming over to our house way too often), finish loading the dishwasher, eat a chocolate muffin?

Cars

There is a lot of funny stuff out there, tongue and cheek websites, blogs, youtube videos, etc about PARENTHOOD.  Here is one I saw on my friend Jamie's blog Higher Highs Lower Lows:
http://www.youtube.com/profile?annotation_id=annotation_264165&feature=iv&user=Sienna#p/c/30DA2DAB5702C7D1/0/ql-N3F1FhW4
When we first moved back to SLO, we bought our first car ever. My first car too- at the age of 32!  It was a 2 door Toyota Tercel, and it has been awesome- great gas mileage, no trips to the mechanic  (save when we took it in because sometimes it just wouldn't start- was it the ignition? turns out the carpet soemtimes just got pushed too far forward. Embarassing!).  But then we had baby Lupe and thought: A 2 door car just won't do!  So we bought a minivan, which we are happy with mostly. Turns out if someones car is super messy inside and not taken care of, well they just may not have taken good care of the engine either (new axels, filters, etc etc). Lesson learned.
Turns out Jamie has written about the car thing on her blog. http://higherhighslowerlows.com/
Now the most embarassing part for me is that we live downtown, Pedro walks to work, I may be able to walk to Lupe's preschool- and we have TWO cars!

Here it is: the birth story, part 1

Wild. Intense. Fast. Sacred. Primal. Painful. Awe- inspiring. Awesome.

Words really can't describe my birth experience but those are a few that come close. (that's one way I could start this birth story. Here's another way:)

Remember last month when the circus came to town?  (did that get your attention?)

Okay, so, on Sunday July 3rd I was woken up around 3 am by a very intense contraction. WOW, thought I. I had to concentrate and breathe through it. Then I went back to sleep. ANother around 4, then 5 am at which point I got up and ate a bowl of cereal, thought "This may be it" and proceeded to cut out fabric from two pillowcases for a lightweight robe. Here I was thinking about what I wanted to wear to the hospital, and making it the day of! Went back to bed and Lupe woke me around 7:30. I started to make strawberry swiss cheese pancakes, and had to sit down during contractions.   I called my doula Megan and she said she oculd come, or I could continue with the morning and call her later.

We continued with our morning, I told Pedro this was probably the day, and then we went to the Circus at noon.

Pulling into the field where Circus Vargas was set up, finding that I did not do well having  a contraction and driving over a bump in the field.  And I was wondering how long we would last at the circus, so we parked right in front of the tent in the handicapped zone.  I said to the ticket girl: "We parked in front, I don't have a handicapped sticker but...I'm in labor I believe and we may need to leave early".  "Oh! Yeah, ok!" she responded.  The tent was crowded and hot and the contractions were coming a little closer together and I would close my eyes and breath and concentrate. By intermission I told Pedro, "Get me out of here!". Luckily Lupe got to stay with her grandparents.
Leaving, I made Pedro stop the car when a contraction came because honestly, I thought those potholes would just do me in.  I called my mom who lives next door and asked her  to get the bath ready; she has a nice deep tub that I knew would cover my belly.  We got there, Pedro driving very cautiously the whole way and all I could think about was getting in that water.  My mom took care of me and Pedro went home to eat.  After a time, I started to moan.
Now, having had an epidural with my first birth, this felt new to me.  I was way more advanced in this labor than when I had gotten the epidural before, so I was finally able to listen to my body and trust it and just do what I needed to do.  This was a toally new experience and it was so primal and felt so right.  But then my mom started timing between contractions and realized they were getting closer and said, "We need to call Megan".
And now with the contractions I started to arch my back and felt, for the first time ever, the urge to push. It was so amazing, I had no control over it. I grunted and pushed and it was simply what my body needed to do- no planning on my part. They were coming every two minutes.  My stepdad is a former firefighter and has actually delivered a baby before so my mom asked him to brush up on delivery cause she thought this baby may very well be born in the bathtub!  She remembers him sitting at the computer and saying something like, "Oh this is easy".  By the time Megan got there she checked me and said "Let's go the hospital- now."
WHAT? Get me out of the tub? Get me out of the tub and into a car? I just couldn't fathom it, but somehow, with towels draped around my naked body, we made it into the van. Pedro took out the middle seat and I got in and stayed on hands and knees with Megan beside me.  Moaning and pushing. Pedro is trying tobe careful and driving very slowly, while my mom is saying Hurry up!  and Megan is saying The baby is coming! (ended up being my bag of waters bulging). And while I was very much focused inward, I think I imagined having the baby at the gas station by Santa Rosa Park, moments away from the hospital.

"Mom, I'm getting married today."  Congratulations Lupe! To who?  "To you!"

mess

See all that on the floor?  It's been that way for a week, slowly accumulating.  I have found that I just keep the broom by the table and after Lupe eats, I just sweep it to the side.  It started this way because as I have been recuperating, I found I could sweep, but couldn't bend over to get it into the dustpan.  I waited for someone else to do that.  Now, I realize that since I sweep it up oh, at least 5 times a day, it's a lot of energy to take it to the garbage can every time.  So there it sits.

(ps- this is the first in a series of posts about having a messy house when you have a toddler and baby around.  and it is dedictaed to a friend going through the same thing, a friend who i thought had it so together, this whole parenting-two-kids thing, but found that she is just as overwhelmed at times as i am!)

Just saw this: http://crappypictures.typepad.com/crappy-pictures/2011/08/house-tour-with-amber-of-crappy-pictures.html

Watermelon boat

"It looks like a boat. Mira. The puntitos look like seats." Lupe

"Look mom, it's an "L" for Lupe", said about her half eaten grilled cheese.

hermanos

it's hard being a 6 week old

My poor little guy has: baby acne, a hang nail and he's losing his hair! The baby acne I know will go away of its own accord- Lupe had it- though if you know of anything that helps let me know! But how do I get rid of a hang nail on such a tiny little finger? I guess I should file his nails instead of cutting them, perhaps I cut said nail wrong. I also remember when Lupe got a bald spot in the back of her head from rubbing it and turning it a lot in the bed. I can see little hairs on Liam's sheet.
He's also going through a growth spurt. Luckily my milk supply is good, I am several bottles ahead of the game in the fridge.
And last night was a good sleep! He ate at 12 am, 5 am and 9 am- goooood job Liam!

Mi cuerpo

I love my post partum body. And I loved my pregnant body. I am looking back at some photos of me in Mexico and thinking that I was muy flaca! Very skinny. It feels good to have curves, to feel full and womanly. Sure, I could do without the belly now (I know, just 5 weeks post partum), I mean the belly that's hard to get rid of when you're in your 30s, had a baby and don't do abdominal exercise and people constantly ask you "Oh, are you expecting your next?"

But in general, I like how I look now. And that feels good.

Entertainment

Got Liam on my lap, and I'm creating a Pandora station with bagpipe music, wanting to expose him to his celtic heritage. I had thought with 2 kid s I would never have a chance to read again, but I am 700 pages into A Breath of Snow and Ashes by Diana Gabaldon (Outlander, favorite series ever!Scottish characters, thus the bagpipes on the brain). I read while I pump. At 12, 2, 4 and 6 am!

When Lupe was a baby, Pedro and I watched a Mexican novela called Destilando Amor. It was one of the best shows because the main character, Gaviota, was a strong woman, unlike many other female leads in novelas. So anyway, Lupe's bedtime came after nursing her through the 9 o' clock show. For Liam the program is Glee, watched on Netflix. It's perfect: likeable characters, entertaining, not too heavy. And I have been wanting to watch an American show with Pedro to help with his English. I do believe that the novelas indeed helped my Espanol. I have watched almost no American TV in years, so any other recommendations would be appreciated!

That reminds me, the other day we were listening to the music from said novela (about as Mexican as it gets) and Lupe asks, "Is this American music?" with a certain twang. Oh, we were laughing. Where did that come from?

Lupe and I had some time today to just be together and we played with stickers- fun ones where you dress up doll stickers with lots of sparkly sticker clothes. Then we started drawing and for the first time she drew- something recognizable! She's named scribbles before, but this was different. Can you see the head, and the eyes? I am so proud!

So I have another blog too, www.lupesmom.blogspot.com, in which I talk about Lupe, and mostly crafty stuff. Now I wish I could combine them, lupeandliam.com, as it is, Life with Liam is actually life with all of us..... stay tuned!

Story Hour at the SLO Library, first Tuesday of every month and Pedro brings his guitar!

Then there are those moments when you have these two sleeping people, warm, soft breathing human beings. This realization, this sense of awe that they are human being you have made. And you forget about sleepnessness, tantrums, whining, BF problems... And you want to curl up next to them and just....be. In the moment.

Until you realize that it is 6 pm and if you let your toddler nap at this hour she will never go to bed at a decent hour. So you wake her up. Drat.

Can't the pump parts wash themselves?

This is my life. I don't even hold Liam as much as I'd like. Last night Pedro fed him every 2 hours and I pumped. Which is good, little less time awake that way, but I wish I could hold him, nurse and then sleep. Saw a lactation consultant Sunday- Liam has a high palate, so while he can latch, he isn't able to get enough milk out. So now my focus is keeping up my milk supply. We'll get there eventually.

At the moment however, I am nursing him and blogging one handed!