Women Infants and Children

This post is to thank the WIC PROGRAM for all the work they do to provide nutrition and breastfeeding education to families all over the country.  I worked as a breastfeeding peer counselor for two years and stopped when I had Liam.  Shortly after, funding was cut and all counselor jobs with it.
If I had the energy I would describe here in detail all the research about the benefits of breastfeeding, peer support, and talk about the state of the economy, and priorities and funding and... etc etc.  But I can't get to that right now. And Liam's starting to fuss in the background.  And I'd be preaching to the choir now wouldn't I?
Suffice it to say: Thank you WIC program, heres to you!

la playa en Diciembre!

It was a perfect day at the beach!  Late December, mid seventies.  Oh yeah. Lupe played in the playground, rode her new scooter (there were a few other kids with new scooters and bikes, just a few!).  Liam lay on the blanket, showing off how strong he's getting.  It was just a couple of weeks ago I think that I was helping him prop on his arms and elbows, and now he can do it!  This last couple days I've even noticed he doesn't arch as much, lifting his legs when he's on his tummy. Next goal: rolling over, and grabbing his feet.

Lupe.  Three is a real challenge, there's a real battle of wills happening sometimes.  Did I say sometimes? Feels like often.  She is a pretty good kid overall, I mean really good, but she saves all her whining for mom, and for home.  (Sound familiar moms?)  But three is also really cool.  To have her discover rhyming, to make up silly words.  To learn how to spell her name out loud. The curiosity, "What letter does Ariel start with mom?"  Last night she said, "Mommy you're the best cooker. Ever."  That was after she told me she didn't like spaghetti wth sauce. I guess she changed her mind.  Dancing in her underwear to Lady Gaga! Wobbling out to her playhouse in her new dress up shoes. This morning I heard her laughing in her sleep.  What were you dreaming about Lupe?  "Cucu" she responded (that's her grandparents neighbor- a good friend). 

We are planning  a trip to Mexico to see our familia- it will be interesting how our non-stop-talker deals with her Espanol.  She can understand but isn't talking much. A ver como le va!

merry christmas eve!

words and pictures cannot capture how beautiful my kids are.

in a high chair for the first time!

my little guy is sick for the first time (not bad- he's almost 6 months!) and has a racking cough on top of his normal congestion. but obviously in good spirits! just look....

lupe got to see santa again today.

she is now in the living room talking to santa about the scooter she wants. 

feliz navidad to all!

Infant Development Clinic

Five and a half months. Yesterday we returned to Sierra Vista for an Infant Development Clinic so that the doctors who saw Liam in the NICU and the physical therapist could evaluate his progress, his developmental level and to see if we were getting the services we need.
When I saw Dr Ochoa, the one who told us we had a baby with Downs Syndrome, the one who tracked his progress in the NICU, my throat got all tight with emotions.  It brought back lots of memories of last July and all we went through.  The PT said she sees that a lot.  Liam was fast asleep in the Ergo, but I got him  out and he wasn't ranky at all. Au contrair.  He started to show off!  On tummy time, he rested on his arms and lifted his head more than I've ever seen him do.  He tracked objects with his eyes, reacted to the bell, was interested in looking at himself in the mirror, and even passed a toy from one hand to the other!

They were so impressed.  And I felt good having my own intuition about his progress validated.  She said it was in large part due to our excellent work as parents in seeing he gets services, working (i.e. playing) with him at home, stimulating him and doing extra things like cranio sacral therapy.
On their evaluation sheet he was at a 5 month old level in everything, except the slightest delay in gross motor development (rolling over, etc).  I felt so good leaving the hospital.

The above picture is Liam sitting for the first time in a bumbo seat that the occupational therapist leant us and playing with a new toy.  SHe had brought it for him to play with telling us we could find them at Target if we liked them.  Liked it?  Liam had a little baby coniption fit of excitement when he saw it and could grab onto it.  So she said, "Merry Christmas, it's yours!"

...?

Throughout the day I think of good topics to write about. And then I forget them.  Thanks to grandparents who come over to distract the 3 year old and do the dishes.  Thanks to Robyn Berry Photography for our family portraits.  Thanks to my hard working husband, though I bitch and moan sometimes, yo estoy agradecida por todo que haces.  Thanks to Andrea Herron, lactation consultant who helped us so much at the beginning, and to the other NICU mommies in that group.
Thanks to my Lupe for her paciencia.  Sorry for losing my patience and yelling so much.

5 months old and so much changed this month

Where to start? I feel like so much changed this last month.  Liam, my little guy, you'll be 5 months old tomorrow!! How can that be? The other day I took a meal to friends who just had a baby and she was only 3 weeks old, and that was SO long ago for us it seems! Now it feels like: oh, 2 weeks in the NICU?, what a short time. But it felt really really long at the time.

Check out this picture below.  I put Liam on the blanket and came back to look and he had scooted off a bit.  I feel like each little thing Liam does is so big.  The picture above, the first one, is us on the beach in Cayucous after we had gone all the way there for a cranio sacral therapy appointment only to arrive late and miss it (Lupe has the most inconveniant times to use the bathroom sometimes!).  Estaba tan molesta en perder la cita, pero mira.... Our therapist called and offered to come to our house for Liam's sessions, as she is usually in San Luis on Wednesdays anyway.  Small blessings.

Twice I have dreamt that Liam surprised me by talking.  In the first dream I see a wet spot on the bed and ask, "Who did peepee on the bed?" and to my surprise he answers, "I did". And Pedro dreamt the other night that he was walking.  He was in Mexico with his mama and said to her, "Everyone told us he would be slow in achieving all these things/ Todos nos dijeron que el tardaria mas en lograr estas cosas..." Y empezo a llorar.

And Liam now likes sitting and standing. No more laying down for my guy.  Our neighbor loaned us a - como se dice?- round sit in activity center thing.  And....he likes it!  Lupe had one and never liked it.

Life is good. We are happy!

Comadres

Ok, well, just noticed the double chin, but....no importa!  This week I got to go out TWO TIMES with girlfriends!  And I kinda forgot how important it is to go out and talk with other women, without attention seeking kids around. I won't mention all the stuff we talked about - girl talk, helped along by the drinks. And speaking of drinks, I drank about one third of a margarita and felt tongue tied. That's how long it's been since I've had anything to drink, asides from a beer or two since Liam was born. 
The night pictured above, made me feel like I was with my high school girlfriends again, hittin' the divey bars of San Francisco.  Or small local bars in the East Village or Brooklyn.  We only talked about the kids a little bit.  And the husbands just a little bit. Mostly we talked about....well, again, I won't go there. (haha!). 
And, the Elks Club!  A little piece of SLO I didn't know about.  I drove there and it was kind of creepy foggy outside, maybe it felt that way cause the Elks Club is across from the cemetary and down the street from the Drive-in and a trailer park.  So, thick fog, a near deserted parking lot and a club that hasn't changed since 1972 or so.  Tina had to come let me in, cause it's private and you have to be a member (some friends are members so they can use the pool with the kids, and maybe the husbands can go and watch a game or schmooze).  And we were the only ones there besides the bartender.  I've only watched two episodes of True Blood, but it was very True Blood.  I expected to find a body in the bathroom, or meet a vampire if I left by myself to go out to my car.  And the new Hipstamatic app on my fancy new phone captured just the right feel for the night- nostalgia for things past.

But the first night I went out this week was on Thursday for the premiere of the latest Twilight movie, Breaking Dawn.  I don't know what was more exciting, the movie (eh.....) or going out for the first time with friends since baby (yes!).  My mom watched the kids, I managed to get Liam to sleep before I left, and luckily he is a pretty good sleeper (gracias mi amor!).  Lots of etrogen in the theatre that night!  We sat on Team Edward side.  And I succombed to peer pressure and went to Robyn's house afterwards where she had such a cool themed spread!  Decorations, drinks, and an Edward replica (see above).
So, thanks ladies!  Thanks for convincing me to come out and have a few moments to feel like someone other than a wife and mom...

Apples and mud

We picked apples the other day with friends.  Lupe inherited rain boots and she and her friends could not resist the mud puddles.  For a moment I thought, "Oh no, you're going to get all muddy, I don;t know if I have a change of clothes...."  But then I realized, it was only my own laziness not wanting to deal with the mess. Kids should get muddy in mud puddles when the opportunity arises.  So she did.  And I did happen to have a change of clthes in the car. It all worked out.  And since that day she has been asking to eat apples all the time.
Letting children play. Giving them opportunities to see where food comes frm. This is what it's all about.

Therapies

Stay tuned........... I'll soon be writing about our experience with cranio sacral therapy.  And I am reading the page of the Institute for the Achievement of Human Potential In Philadelphia, we have friends in Mexico that have taken their daughter there who has Trisomy 14.
Update- went to cranio sacral therapy today, good session i think. i'm excited about this.
From the website http://upledger.com/content.asp?id=26 "CST is a gentle, hands-on method of evaluating and enhancing the functioning of a physiological body system called the craniosacral system - comprised of the membranes and cerebrospinal fluid that surround and protect the brain and spinal cord.
Using a soft touch generally no greater than 5 grams, or about the weight of a nickel, practitioners release restrictions in the craniosacral system to improve the functioning of the central nervous system."

small steps

My little guy will be 4 months old tomorrow.  That's a third of a year! How did that happen?  I am having a little inner battle, which I am sure is quite normal.  I have friends having babies and I find that I am not as excited to hang out and see their new babies because I know that even the ones months younger than my Liam, will more than likely be reaching developmental milestones a lot quicker than my guy and that makes me just feel....weird.  I want to hang out and I will.  Perhaps it is human nature to compare things, people.  But I really want to concentrate on focusing on the positive and taking things a day at a time. So on that note, today Liam did something new!
To help him learn to roll over, I put him on his back and start to lead him to the side by pulling slightly behind his knee and bringing it over.  When I did this last week with him, his arm would stay stuck under his torso, but today.....he was able to pull it out from under him, several times!  These little things seem big.  And it's strange to be so totally conscious of every thing rather than just playing with my baby.  But, it is what it is. His leg and neck strength seems to be better in some positions than in others.  When I hold him facing me, he will push out from me and his head is up and strong, but when he is sitting in my lap facing out, he slumps it a lot. Our little guy is laughing more, with direct stimulation, asi que econtramos donde le da cosquilla. We found his tickle spots!
As for Lupe, this last week she surprised us with two things she seems to have learned on her own.  She spells her name "L.U.P.E." ( I am so certain she will be an early reader).  And she asked me if I wanted Ariel the mermaid's phone number and then said  my phone number (missing one # only). It's true, they are sponges.
"By the age of three, the toddler's brain has formed about 1,000 trillion pathways or synapses ­ about twice as many as his mom or dad have. The toddler's brain is super dense and primed for learning. When a pathway is used repeatedly, it becomes permanent; a pathway used infrequently is lost. Children whose parents speak, read and play with them during these early years have more highly developed brains with better language and learning skills.
Around age three, research indicates a growth spurt in a toddler's head circumference and a dramatic increase in activity in the two major language regions of the brain. At the same time, a toddler's vocabulary surges from about 900 words to around 3,000 words before age five." http://www.growupreading.org/toddlers/index.php?section=210
This is my update for now, it has been a long day and I am going to try and actually go to bed early, though it is so nice to have some mellow time without the kids!

Fairies and bumblebees oh my

 It has been a busy and over stimulating week!  Halloween, my favorite holiday. I love to dress up, I love to see others in costume. And I LOVE the fact that I can make my own kids costumes!  We went to Farmer's Market tonight, and while I saw a lot of very cute kids, I have to say, the home made costumes are the best. I also love seeing the whole family as a theme.  Parents as pirates, with kid parrot was a good one- we did the same thing 2 years ago.
We did a march through downtown, ending up at the park with a food drive for the Food Bank.  Muchos ninos.  Decided against returning downtown- I am keeping my 3 year old away from trick or treating for candy as much as possible.  Last year even the parents were pushy about it.  And Lupe already did trick or treating at preschool today (where as far as I could tell, she had the only hand made costume!)  And my Liam was also going to be a fairy, but I decided to put him in Lupe's first costume.
Below is Lupe as a flower fairy with her amiga Asiely in a photo taken by my friend Robyn Berry, a very talented family photographer who has been doing fun photo shoots at the park.
And we haven't even gotten to carving pumpkins yet!  In this town, Halloween is not just a night, it lasts a week!

Toys and Play

Here's my little guy grabbing toys for the first time!  He has been grabbing at clothes for a while, my clothes - or whoever is holding him- his own shirts.  I'll give him his new diaper to grab onto while I change him.  But toys are going to be our new thing.
The OT (occupational therapist) came yesterday and showed us new exercises and play things to do with him.  I had not been wanting to read much about DS, perhaps I was in denial (natural), but also, he is a pretty "normal" baby so far.  But I am starting to read and am now realizing that the more intervention, stimulation, therapy done with him now, the better for his development.
So our new vocabulary involves words like hypotonia (low muscle tone).  And we will probbaly arrange some cranio sacral therapy soon.  Anything we can do to aid his development.

National Down Syndrome month

http://www.parents.com/blogs/to-the-max/2011/10/06/uncategorized/having-a-child-with-down-syndrome-what-nobody-tells-you/

What to say

A friend came over the other day and at one point she started talking about Liam and if I was into being part of any support groups, or meeting other families with DS kids, etc.  Then she asked if it was ok that she talked about this stuff this way. And i said yes.  For the most part everyone has spoken to me in just the right way about my little guy.  I mean, for many it can be awkward, and people are not sure what to say.   But everyone in the beginning said just the right things, such loving support, it made me cry, in a good way.
Here is one mom's ideas:
http://www.parents.com/blogs/to-the-max/2011/07/25/uncategorized/what-to-say-to-parents-of-kids-with-special-needs/

Super Lupe

Realized Wednesday night at 11 pm that the next day it was Super Hero Day at preschool.  Good thing I am handy with a sewing machine!  So she put her new cape on over her Big Sister dress that I also made her.  The funny thing is that I also had to explain to Lupe what a super hero was.  It hadn't come up before.  So I started by saying how moms and dads were super heros because they do everything they can for their kids to be healthy and happy.  Then, I talked about how drs and firefighters save peoples lives, so they are super heros too.  Then I explained how some fun ones in stories have super powers: flying, being strong, running fast, etc.  And I asked Lupe, "What super power would you like to have?"  And she responded, "A princess!"  Ok then.

Yes she wants to hold Liam

In the first photo Lupe was fast asleep.  A friend came over to play and we did everything, but she would not wake up!  Even when we put her brother on her lap.  Second photo, well, self explanatary.  A couple weeks ago I realized I haven't had Lupe hold her brother much.  When I asked her if she wanted to hold him on her lap, she said "Yes!"  in such an excited way that I realized it just simply wasn't happening enough.  Now I want to make sure that every day she has a chance to hold him.
Her excitement was similar to when, returning from a birthdday party she asked for a dulce (candy) and I thought about it, and said yes.  Now, she has hardly ever eaten dulces.  Cake, yes. Ice cream too.  But our pinatas usually have toys.  So when I said yes to the candy, she said, "Oh mom!  I've always wanted a dulce! I'm so happy!"

Bath pictures

People say they look alike.

All this laughing Liam is doing now is pretty tiring stuff.  After the day he laughed for the first time (he did it on demand when Pedro came home from work!), he slept 9 hours!!

Yesterday he turned 3 months old, end of the "fourth trimester".  And I will never have a newborn baby again.  Oh, being a mom is so bittersweet! 

Liam's main goal in life now is to put his hand in his mouth.  He spends a long time looking at, mostly his right hand, and watching it circle in the air in front of his face, waving it around and trying to master control of his body and get that dang thing in his mouth!

I remember when Lupe was at this stage.  But now Lupe is 3 and goes to preschool- and LOVES it!  She colors within the shapes in a coloring book and says funny things.  The other day while taking a bath she said, "Mom, my legs are going to get married- to each other!".

Here is a photo of Lupe at around the same age Liam is now, 3 months.  I think she is taking a rest after a long morning of trying to suck on her fingers.

So rest ye children! Tomorrow is another day!

A fine day, a grand day, a smiley day!

Here's what an accomplished day today was.  I loaded- and unloaded!- the dishwasher.  I hung diapers on the line to dry.  Inspired by my friend Sarah, who although not feeling well, still did a shaving cream art project with her girls- I cut up plastic shapes from the recycle, and Lupe and I Modgepodged colored tissue paper on them.  My husband came home and smelled food cooking.  Meaning I actually decided by 4 pm what we are having for dinner.

But here is the BEST part of the day.  While Lupe was playing in her playhouse (the fabulous one several months in the making by her fab Grandpa), I sat on the playhouse's front step holding Liam in my lap.  I thumped his hand like a heart beat: thump-thump, thump-thump, etc.  And....he laughed!  He giggled!! OMG- it was the first time he has ever giggled and I melted into blissful happiness to hear it!

Edward and the Special Olympics

The first screening of the last Twilight movie, Breaking Dawn will benefit the Special Olympics here in SLO.  And that got me thinking: the Special Olympics is for people with physical handicaps.  Down Syndrome is a mental handicap, but there are some physical differences too.  Is this relevant to my Liam?  Would he ever participate in this?
Which reminds me again that I am semi-purposely not thinking too much about his future as a child, then as an adult with DS.  I don't like looking at his sweet baby face and thinking about the limits he will have.   A baby is full of possibility don't you think? So I am not doing any research about what he may or may not be able to do.  I don't know too much more about DS than the average person.
All that being said, I want to go to this screening!

Letter to Liam at almost 3 months old

My sweet baby Liam,
Time will go by fast and you will grow and change before we know it dear Liam, cliched but true.  You will be my last baby and I want to remember everything.  You are almost 3 months old (in 10 days), end of the "fourth trimester" as it is sometimes called.  A regular baby- not a newborn.  I want to remember how you grab onto my shirt when I hold or nurse you.  And how now you are starting to grab onto your own shirt too.  Your smiles are becoming slightly more frequent and the other day you smiled and then simply, gazed up at me in awe as if saying, "Oh mom, it's you!"
And of course there is all your grunting and growling. Lupe now repeats me all the time saying, "Liam is a noisy baby".  Speaking of growling, and of Lupe. This morning around  6 I had nursed you and put you down in bed and you were snorting, wheezing, growling, like you do, and Lupe popped up out of her bed and said "It's Ok Liam".  She really loves you.
I put you on your tummy to help you work on your neck strength.  This is the first thing we want you to get good at.  And while that will make it easier to hold you, and put you in carriers, it also is one marker of the end of your helpless newborn stage and thus, the first thing I will lose and never have again.
When you're older you can gloat to your sister that you were a much better sleeper than she was.  Just as your Tia Maggie rubs it in to your Tio Pat that she was potty trained faster.
You chose a special family to be born into mi amor, nuestro padre celestial...You are surrounded by love.
I love you.

pink

"I am a boy and yes, I can wear pink diapers if I want to."

Birth Story: Part 2

*Scroll further down the blog for Birth Story: Part 1

We get to the hospital, and I just hear chaos. So I keep my eyes closed, even as they transfer me- still on all fours- to the gurney and I think I hear nurses fighting about which elevator to take.  They were agitated about something, and it ruined all the tranquility of laboring at home in the tub.  And still, I am pushing. And the nurses are frantically saying, "Don't push!"  while my doula, God bless her (this is why I have her) is whispering in my ear, "It's ok to push, do what your body needs to do".  At some point, I don't remember when, someone asks, "Have you called your ob?"  Oh, no.  I guess we were rather distracted.  And then...

The next little while is fuzzy in my memory. We haven't even registered at the hospital  ( I did it online, where is that info?).  Yes it's a VBAC, name, DOB, etc. 
It was intense.  I think I remember being on all fours and it being said that something wasn't right for baby, so I labored on my side for a while, and at the end I was on my back.  And I had some moments of worry- I thought maybe I wouldn't be able to do this. I have never worked so hard or exherted such physical strength.
Dr suggested a vaccum to help. OK, anything to help me do this.  She never mentioned a cesarean.  The vacuum being placed hurt like hell. Contractions I could deal with, bit with this I actually yelled "Ouch!"  But then it didn;t take that much longer and.... the head!  I got that hige McGrath head out! And what I had dreamed of for so long occurred not too long after that. The swoosh of baby's body sliding out of me.  Oh. My. God.  It was beyond words.  I felt like that was what I had worked so hard for. 6:00 pm.
I was so stunned and amazed that I had actually done it that the next bit is fuzzy, I heard that his umbilical cord was unusually short and they had to clip it right away.  And I heard someone say "grandson"  and I said, "We have a boy?"  But I knew, I wasn't surprised.  Since I didn't review the birth plan after arriving at the hospital no one remembered that Pedro and I wanted to announce the sex.  What is very vivid in my memory is that my IV came out and they were trying to reattach something to my hand and I watched as a nurse held my bundled baby in her arms and gazed down at him and I thought; that should be me looking at him right now. He should be looking at me.  But then he was given to me. And he latched!  At least I had him on my breast briefly before we learned the next news. At some point we were told that he had the characteristics of a baby with Down Syndrome and that they would need to take him to the NICU to evaluate him.  I was surprised and yet I wasn't.

So I had my baby for around half an hour and then they took him upstairs and I couldn't see him for another 3 hours or so.

I was encouraged to rest that night, but how could I?  Of course I was tired but I wanted to be with my baby!  Our second visit and he had tubes in his nose, some oxygen help.  And I went, again and again, trying to breastfeed and hold a newborn with tubes all over him and beeping sounds as our lullaby.
The staff was great.  The doctors too.  And all the friends and family, los seres queridos, who drove me to the hospital, or offered to take my pumped milk while I stayed at home and slept, or brought meal after meal.  You all helped us get through one of the hardest two weeks of my life.  And he is home now, healthy and thriving. And surrounded by love.

Learning

Something has been coming up occassionally and it bothers me. I am having a hard time reading about my 2 month old baby's future as a kid with "lower-than-average cognitive ability" or "The average IQ of children with Down syndrome is around 50, compared to normal children with an IQ of 100.^" This brings up so many mixed emotions as I think about Liam's future.  How can I look at my perfect baby and be told what his intelligence will be? It just seems so totally absurd.  And then we could talk about what intelligence really means, or different kinds of intelligence.
Will he be integrated in a "normal" classroom, or in Special Ed?  Will he go to college? How much will his life differ from the "normal"?  Not that "normal" is good- argh! it's getting confusing even trying to figure out what I want to say.  I feel like I know so little about what life will be like with him- yes, yes I know, no one does know their kids future.

A good life lesson here I think.  I want to be very present with him.  Enjoy and learn from every moment.  Life will offer us so many teachable moments and I want to take advantage of all of them.  Slow down.  Do projects. Get messy. Play outside. I have worked as an art teacher and I feel like my best art projects should be with my kids and I don't think I've done that with Lupe. I'm always too tired or busy or soemthing. I don't want to be like that anymore.

Footnote: Last night I was reading and found put that Dr Sears- you know, author of many baby books- has a child with Down Syndrome- somehow this felt reassuring.

Two months old today!

Liam Alexander is two months old today!  I thought he was two months last weekend, Sunday to be exact, but was informed that no, he was merely 8 weeks, but being born on the 3rd of July, today, September 3, he is two month old.

He is thriving and healthy and so am I.  Well, I may not be thriving, but I walked downtown to Art after Dark with Lupe (holding baby Curious George in her own front pack) and Liam in the Baby Bjorn (ouch back- need to try the Ergo).  Saw a fab exhibit at Linnaeas.  I felt very competent. Yeah me!

Feliz cumpleanos mi amor!

Two kids

I have been thinking about what I have learned in the two months since I have been the mom of two.  Yes, it is overwhelming. Yes, it gets easier.  Like so many things in life, it is often the anticipation of something new that is harder and scarier than the actual thing.
I thought I'd never see my baby leave the NICU, but he did.  I thought I'd never get the hang of leaving the house with both of them, but we do now.  I thought successful breastfeeding was a long way off, but at two months we are doing well.  I thought the dermatitis might last forever, but it is getting better.  I had no idea how I would put Lupe to bed with baby Liam around and needing me at the most inopportune moment, but we have figured it out.
I think the hardest thing at the beginning was that I mourned the loss of an era with Lupe, of it being just the two of us.  I was really sad.
Or maybe the hardest part was thinking I would never have me time again.
And having to say all the time, "I can do that with you later, when I'm not holding the baby".
I have one last thought: about books.  I have used books to help prepare Lupe for things like the dentist and preschool and potty training.  But when it comes to welcoming a new baby into the house, so many children's books had the older sibling going through some jealousy, or wanting to send the baby back to wherever he came from.  I know this happens, but.... why plant the idea in the kids head?  Get that book after your child shows some of those feelings, but not before.  I tried to keep it positive- The following photo has a couple books I liked.

It's been challenging for sure, but actually in many ways easier than expected.  Liam has had issues, but he is actually a very easy baby. Quiero mucho a mis hijitos, mis dos amores.

For the past week I have been making more of an effort to put Liam on the floor for "tummy time"  and he is doing much better with his neck control.  He can turn his head from side to side and hold it up for  a bit.  He is oh so clever.
Next week we have an occupational therapist visiting us.  I think he is doing just great.  Today our pediatrician said he is at 90% for height and weight.  Supposedly there is an adjusted chart for babies with Downs. On the "normal" chart he is at 50%, normal, average, not too big or small. Overall, he is OFF THE CHARTS!
At the NICU support group I go to onThursdays, many of the (much older now) babies were premature and they have their age and their adjusted age.  And I wonder when do they stop saying, "She is 5 months, 7 months adjusted".  Is Liam in the 90% for height, 50% adjusted, or is it vice versa?
And did I mention that for the past week I have barely used the breast pump, pure pecho, breastfeeding?  He doesn't even seem to want the bottle anymore.  He gained 7.5 oz this week (6 oz the week before) and drank 2 oz from me in half an hour there at the BF office support group- yahoo!
I thought I'd be so much more experienced and confident this time around but it is all new again.  All the uncertianty comes back even if you've done it before.  But I am gaining more confidence every week.

mom envy

I like to cook, bake, garden, sew.   My baby wears cloth diapers, we compost, cultivate an organic vegetable garden, homeschool and my house looks great in pictures. There are a lot of blogs out there written by these super moms. I like this creative, green lifestyle. Sometimes I suffer from mom envy though.  I really wish gardening worked out for me.  I want to make my own laundry detergent and shampoo and bake bread, and have the kids particpating in all of these learning activities.
But we all do what we can and have to be ok with that.  I do manage to use cloth diapers. I buy veggies at Farmers Market and almost always use cloth bags.

This morning I made zucchini carrot chocolate muffins. Turned out well, except the clumps of baking powder that didn't mix.  And I made eggs with potatoes and spinach.  I used a cast iron skillet cause that's the good way to cook, right?  Half way through I switched it to teflon cause the eggs were sticking.  So I include a couple photos here, to show the reality of being a mom. The dirty dishes, clumpy muffins, etc.

Though, I did get these things done before noon and without a crying baby, so hey, points for me!

Operating Instructions

Have you read Anne Lamott?  She has written many wonderful things, but parenthood seems to be awesome fodder for writers, verdad?  There are so many parts I want to quote.
"He's losing his hair, but his acne is better.  My acne is about the same, but on the other hand, my hair isn't falling out. At least that's something."
Liam's hair is falling out in back from laying on his back so much.  He looks like a friar or a monk.  Anne Lamott refers to her son's hair loss also like the ring around Saturn or a very very old monk.

And last night I ate my dad's awesome mac and cheese (way to reintroduce dairy and test the dairy allergy theory, right?).  Nursed a lot, and so far so good.  I don't think the dermatitis/ezcema/whatever it is is any worse.  Speaking of nursing, we are doing more of it, and less pumping!  Slowly but surely.  I knew we'd get it eventually (and at least he has always latched, unlike Lupe. that has never been the problem), but I have just felt too tired to try a new routine, I was just getting the routine of pumping.
"Oh but my stomach, she is like a waterbed covered with flannel now.  When I lie on my side in bed, my stomach lies politley beside me, like a puppy."

Asleep...

It's 9:21 and  I just put BOTH kids to sleep at the same time!  The advantage to Lupe no longer taking naps is that she is asleep in 3 minutes usually, after the book, and the story about one of us when we were little and a little more talking.  Then I say "Night night" and boom, asleep!  So I put Liam in his cosleeper, ready to pick him up and nurse him if need be, and he fell asleep!  For the first 6 or so weeks, my mom was coming over when Pedro worked nights, to be with Liam in the linving room while I put Lupe to sleep.  I didn't know how I would do it by myself with the two of them.  Plus, I was recovering, and I would stay in bed until Pedro got home, then I would get up to pump. 
Now, do I blog, waste time on Facebook  ( I had been feeling bad for spending so much time on FB until I cut myslef some slack realizing that not leaving the house much it was my connection to the outside world.  Now, I think I need to cut back, just as I am cutting back Lupe's video watching.  Diego and Dora are coming over to our house way too often), finish loading the dishwasher, eat a chocolate muffin?

Cars

There is a lot of funny stuff out there, tongue and cheek websites, blogs, youtube videos, etc about PARENTHOOD.  Here is one I saw on my friend Jamie's blog Higher Highs Lower Lows:
http://www.youtube.com/profile?annotation_id=annotation_264165&feature=iv&user=Sienna#p/c/30DA2DAB5702C7D1/0/ql-N3F1FhW4
When we first moved back to SLO, we bought our first car ever. My first car too- at the age of 32!  It was a 2 door Toyota Tercel, and it has been awesome- great gas mileage, no trips to the mechanic  (save when we took it in because sometimes it just wouldn't start- was it the ignition? turns out the carpet soemtimes just got pushed too far forward. Embarassing!).  But then we had baby Lupe and thought: A 2 door car just won't do!  So we bought a minivan, which we are happy with mostly. Turns out if someones car is super messy inside and not taken care of, well they just may not have taken good care of the engine either (new axels, filters, etc etc). Lesson learned.
Turns out Jamie has written about the car thing on her blog. http://higherhighslowerlows.com/
Now the most embarassing part for me is that we live downtown, Pedro walks to work, I may be able to walk to Lupe's preschool- and we have TWO cars!

Here it is: the birth story, part 1

Wild. Intense. Fast. Sacred. Primal. Painful. Awe- inspiring. Awesome.

Words really can't describe my birth experience but those are a few that come close. (that's one way I could start this birth story. Here's another way:)

Remember last month when the circus came to town?  (did that get your attention?)

Okay, so, on Sunday July 3rd I was woken up around 3 am by a very intense contraction. WOW, thought I. I had to concentrate and breathe through it. Then I went back to sleep. ANother around 4, then 5 am at which point I got up and ate a bowl of cereal, thought "This may be it" and proceeded to cut out fabric from two pillowcases for a lightweight robe. Here I was thinking about what I wanted to wear to the hospital, and making it the day of! Went back to bed and Lupe woke me around 7:30. I started to make strawberry swiss cheese pancakes, and had to sit down during contractions.   I called my doula Megan and she said she oculd come, or I could continue with the morning and call her later.

We continued with our morning, I told Pedro this was probably the day, and then we went to the Circus at noon.

Pulling into the field where Circus Vargas was set up, finding that I did not do well having  a contraction and driving over a bump in the field.  And I was wondering how long we would last at the circus, so we parked right in front of the tent in the handicapped zone.  I said to the ticket girl: "We parked in front, I don't have a handicapped sticker but...I'm in labor I believe and we may need to leave early".  "Oh! Yeah, ok!" she responded.  The tent was crowded and hot and the contractions were coming a little closer together and I would close my eyes and breath and concentrate. By intermission I told Pedro, "Get me out of here!". Luckily Lupe got to stay with her grandparents.
Leaving, I made Pedro stop the car when a contraction came because honestly, I thought those potholes would just do me in.  I called my mom who lives next door and asked her  to get the bath ready; she has a nice deep tub that I knew would cover my belly.  We got there, Pedro driving very cautiously the whole way and all I could think about was getting in that water.  My mom took care of me and Pedro went home to eat.  After a time, I started to moan.
Now, having had an epidural with my first birth, this felt new to me.  I was way more advanced in this labor than when I had gotten the epidural before, so I was finally able to listen to my body and trust it and just do what I needed to do.  This was a toally new experience and it was so primal and felt so right.  But then my mom started timing between contractions and realized they were getting closer and said, "We need to call Megan".
And now with the contractions I started to arch my back and felt, for the first time ever, the urge to push. It was so amazing, I had no control over it. I grunted and pushed and it was simply what my body needed to do- no planning on my part. They were coming every two minutes.  My stepdad is a former firefighter and has actually delivered a baby before so my mom asked him to brush up on delivery cause she thought this baby may very well be born in the bathtub!  She remembers him sitting at the computer and saying something like, "Oh this is easy".  By the time Megan got there she checked me and said "Let's go the hospital- now."
WHAT? Get me out of the tub? Get me out of the tub and into a car? I just couldn't fathom it, but somehow, with towels draped around my naked body, we made it into the van. Pedro took out the middle seat and I got in and stayed on hands and knees with Megan beside me.  Moaning and pushing. Pedro is trying tobe careful and driving very slowly, while my mom is saying Hurry up!  and Megan is saying The baby is coming! (ended up being my bag of waters bulging). And while I was very much focused inward, I think I imagined having the baby at the gas station by Santa Rosa Park, moments away from the hospital.

"Mom, I'm getting married today."  Congratulations Lupe! To who?  "To you!"

mess

See all that on the floor?  It's been that way for a week, slowly accumulating.  I have found that I just keep the broom by the table and after Lupe eats, I just sweep it to the side.  It started this way because as I have been recuperating, I found I could sweep, but couldn't bend over to get it into the dustpan.  I waited for someone else to do that.  Now, I realize that since I sweep it up oh, at least 5 times a day, it's a lot of energy to take it to the garbage can every time.  So there it sits.

(ps- this is the first in a series of posts about having a messy house when you have a toddler and baby around.  and it is dedictaed to a friend going through the same thing, a friend who i thought had it so together, this whole parenting-two-kids thing, but found that she is just as overwhelmed at times as i am!)

Just saw this: http://crappypictures.typepad.com/crappy-pictures/2011/08/house-tour-with-amber-of-crappy-pictures.html