Cansada

I. AM. EXHAUSTED. There are good moments, yes. But sometimes it feels like too much to handle. Yesterday the doctor thought since Liam was waking up more when hungry and eating well, we should start just feeding on demand. Well, that would be easy if he was at home. I have had a routine this week of who takes me to the hospital at 9 am, 3 pm, 6 pm. People want to help, but when the NICU calls to say, He's awake and hungry!, I just can't seem to have the brain power to think who would be best to call. I can't make decisions. People also want to bring meals which is so awesome, but I can't possibly be the one to decide any kind of calendar- isn't there some kind of website to help do something like that? And playdates with Lupe. I know it doesn't rest on my shoulders everything, but it feels like it- is that what moms do? Are we all like this, feeling we have to take care of it all?

So, feed on demand. Come to the hospital at a momnet's notice (thank god we are close). I feel almost ready to drive myself (then it's just figuring out who is with Lupe). Then I see my OB. STitches have come out in two spots and she sews me back up right there. So now I hurt again and I am afraid to move too much or sit down much for fear of loosening the stitches. Good lord.

Yesterday his oxygen had to go up again (we want it to go down). BUt he did nurse for half an hour- that was pretty awesome. Didn;t nurse again that day. One day at a time. One hour at a time. Let go and let God.