Watermelon boat

"It looks like a boat. Mira. The puntitos look like seats." Lupe

"Look mom, it's an "L" for Lupe", said about her half eaten grilled cheese.

hermanos

it's hard being a 6 week old

My poor little guy has: baby acne, a hang nail and he's losing his hair! The baby acne I know will go away of its own accord- Lupe had it- though if you know of anything that helps let me know! But how do I get rid of a hang nail on such a tiny little finger? I guess I should file his nails instead of cutting them, perhaps I cut said nail wrong. I also remember when Lupe got a bald spot in the back of her head from rubbing it and turning it a lot in the bed. I can see little hairs on Liam's sheet.
He's also going through a growth spurt. Luckily my milk supply is good, I am several bottles ahead of the game in the fridge.
And last night was a good sleep! He ate at 12 am, 5 am and 9 am- goooood job Liam!

Mi cuerpo

I love my post partum body. And I loved my pregnant body. I am looking back at some photos of me in Mexico and thinking that I was muy flaca! Very skinny. It feels good to have curves, to feel full and womanly. Sure, I could do without the belly now (I know, just 5 weeks post partum), I mean the belly that's hard to get rid of when you're in your 30s, had a baby and don't do abdominal exercise and people constantly ask you "Oh, are you expecting your next?"

But in general, I like how I look now. And that feels good.

Entertainment

Got Liam on my lap, and I'm creating a Pandora station with bagpipe music, wanting to expose him to his celtic heritage. I had thought with 2 kid s I would never have a chance to read again, but I am 700 pages into A Breath of Snow and Ashes by Diana Gabaldon (Outlander, favorite series ever!Scottish characters, thus the bagpipes on the brain). I read while I pump. At 12, 2, 4 and 6 am!

When Lupe was a baby, Pedro and I watched a Mexican novela called Destilando Amor. It was one of the best shows because the main character, Gaviota, was a strong woman, unlike many other female leads in novelas. So anyway, Lupe's bedtime came after nursing her through the 9 o' clock show. For Liam the program is Glee, watched on Netflix. It's perfect: likeable characters, entertaining, not too heavy. And I have been wanting to watch an American show with Pedro to help with his English. I do believe that the novelas indeed helped my Espanol. I have watched almost no American TV in years, so any other recommendations would be appreciated!

That reminds me, the other day we were listening to the music from said novela (about as Mexican as it gets) and Lupe asks, "Is this American music?" with a certain twang. Oh, we were laughing. Where did that come from?

Lupe and I had some time today to just be together and we played with stickers- fun ones where you dress up doll stickers with lots of sparkly sticker clothes. Then we started drawing and for the first time she drew- something recognizable! She's named scribbles before, but this was different. Can you see the head, and the eyes? I am so proud!

So I have another blog too, www.lupesmom.blogspot.com, in which I talk about Lupe, and mostly crafty stuff. Now I wish I could combine them, lupeandliam.com, as it is, Life with Liam is actually life with all of us..... stay tuned!

Story Hour at the SLO Library, first Tuesday of every month and Pedro brings his guitar!

Then there are those moments when you have these two sleeping people, warm, soft breathing human beings. This realization, this sense of awe that they are human being you have made. And you forget about sleepnessness, tantrums, whining, BF problems... And you want to curl up next to them and just....be. In the moment.

Until you realize that it is 6 pm and if you let your toddler nap at this hour she will never go to bed at a decent hour. So you wake her up. Drat.

Can't the pump parts wash themselves?

This is my life. I don't even hold Liam as much as I'd like. Last night Pedro fed him every 2 hours and I pumped. Which is good, little less time awake that way, but I wish I could hold him, nurse and then sleep. Saw a lactation consultant Sunday- Liam has a high palate, so while he can latch, he isn't able to get enough milk out. So now my focus is keeping up my milk supply. We'll get there eventually.

At the moment however, I am nursing him and blogging one handed!

shared stories

http://www.kellehampton.com/2010/01/nella-cordelia-birth-story.html Just read this blog a friend sent me. The birth story is so real to me. So familiar. And I cried. All these tears of recognition, of sadness and joy. Everything she talked about: the last days with an only child. The big sister's unconditional love and joy at her sibling. The shock of learning you don't have a "normal" child or situation (loaded words, I know). A brief desire to be pregnant again, planning for baby, playing with older/only child, with no knowledge of the NICU, diagnosis' and tests and harder than expected recovery from delivery.

I still look at Liam and find myself thinking, Does he look like he has Down Syndrome from this angle? Oh, he looks "normal" from this angle! And i don't like myself for thinking these thoughts. Because he is perfect and I love him. But these thoughts are normal. It is a process, dealing with all these different emotions I have. I will share our birth story. For now, read the above mentioned blog - it is very well written.

An outing!

We took a regular outing like normal people! It was so nice to get dressed, put on earrings. We drove downtown (bad environmental

ists) because I'm still trying not to walk too much and overdo it (as of Wednesday my stitches are still in place - thank GOD!).

We went to Kreuzburg Cafe because they have lots of couches which as you can imagine is a lot more comfortable for me. I had a latte and Lupe enjoyed her muffin, Pedro too. Liam slept in the carseat the whole time, and we all perused the magazines and books. When I said to Lupe, "Do you want to look at a book or magazine?", she grabbed what was closest on the table next to her, which happened to be The Age of Enlightenment- can you tell from the photo? She was pretty content looking at it- it had some pictures- for at least 20 minutes! Made me think of when we went to visit her uncle in Berkeley and went to a bookstore where she spent a while with Frederick Douglas' The End of Slavery....! Smart girl.

Speaking of smart kids, I have been trying to post a video of Liam (isn't working), the other day he found his thumb and sucked it! Brilliant.

this was on the way home form the hospital last sunday.

Saturday: Liam has nursed 3x today, and it isn't quite noon yet! I even heard swallowing. See the milk coma pic?

And the pic of me is Lupe's first foray into photo!

You know how in the last post I said,"Stitches be damned"? Well, they didn;t like me saying that, and decided to come undone again. Holy #$%^&#. I'll be damned if getting stitched in my most delicate areas is a weekly routine. Is the only way to recperate to get admitted to the hospital again? Just kidding. Life is good too, remember I am using this blog to journal, and we often express the not all positive stuff, cause we need to "desahogarse", to get it all out.
The nurse came yesterday and Liam nursed well for 5 min each side.
And my hair looks good!
See? That was positive!
PS- Lupe is having fun at camp.

Stitches, sleep deprivation and Bible Camp

Stitches be damned, I have to be better now, cause Liam's home and it's a lot of work! Oh, I am so tired. I slept all of 3 hours last night, and just got an hour more. It's 10:30 am. It's not that he's up crying a lot. It;s that in the day he sleeps 4 hours at a strtech and at night is cluster feeding it seems. And he makes lots of funny noises. One, I listen wondering if he's ok, if he's spitting up, or having trouble breathing through his nose. And two, I just can't sleep if he's making noises beside me. So....

So, Bible Camp. I can't believe it, but Lupe is in Bible Camp at a church and I don't even know where. We are grateful to our friend for the suggestion, as we REALLY need to recuperate and feel bad scolding Lupe so much (LOts of new things to learn, and we are tired and grumpy). Lupe needs to go somewhere where people have the energy to play with her. And she has a friend there. And we do thank God before meals, for family, farmworkers and friends. And if she comes home mentioning Jesus, well, he was a good guy. May not agree with many churches, but I do believe in his original teachings.

Lupe and Pedro willbe back soon, we'll see how it went!

HOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He's coming home today!! Just waiting for Pedro to come home from work and we will go get him. I am excited and nervous. Excited and nervous. It's like being a mom for the first time again. Will I be a nervous wreck with no monitors to tell me his heart rate and oxygen saturation is normal? I'm sure within a day or two it will all be ok and normal. I am sure he willthrive once he is around his mama and family all the time. Skin to skin more than 2-3 times a day. This has gotta help with the nursing too, right?
All I have been saying to moms for my WIC job the last two years is out the door! I'd be an even better peer counselor now with all this new experience and renewed sympathy!
Ok, no more blog...rest Sara, rest!

Pump, pump, pump.....wash parts....eat....try to rest...pump, pump, pump.

It's a good day so far! went in this morning and there were no tubes in Liam's nose!!! No oxygen- they weaned him last night and it was such a joy to see his face this morning without tubes. Now we'll just make sure he is gaining weight and he may be home sooner than we thought. I am still though trying to live day by day with no expectations. Don't want to be disappointed. But today feels pretty promising. And a physical therapist came and talked to us and while Liam will have lower muscle tone than other babies, and it may take a little longer to hit developmental milestones like rolling over, sitting up, crawling, etc, she thought he was definitely on the higher end of the continuum.

Yeah for Liam!

And yesterday I went to a support group for moms with babies who are in who have been in the NICU, at Andrea Herron's office. What a godsend! Thank you mamas! It was so nice, and everyone was so sympathetic and kind, they had all been through it and come out the other end, had happy babies on their laps.

Yeah for support groups!

(picture taken last night)

Lupe

I don't know if I can wtite this without crying. Even if LIam were not in the nicu, I am mourning the end of an era with my Lupita. Of it being the two of us all week, our morning routine, the things we do. Lupe and mama.

And the thing is, she will never remember it. She is only 3. She will remember life as a hermana, a big sister. Why is it so hard for moms to see them grow up? Since she turned 3 I have seen such huge changes. It is beautiful but damn if it doesn't make me tear up. (are tears bad for the computer keyboard?)

She had one hard day when I came home from the hospital, but is doing pretty well now. Asides frm the fact that she hasn't gone to bed before 10:30 in 10 days and she only gets her siesta sometimes.

But she saw Liam's photo and said, OH, he's cute! And I heard her sayto her baby Lucia: Mama has to go to the hospital and take leche to Liam.

ok, enough emotional writing for one morning. off to take a shower and go to the hospital...