Comadres

Ok, well, just noticed the double chin, but....no importa!  This week I got to go out TWO TIMES with girlfriends!  And I kinda forgot how important it is to go out and talk with other women, without attention seeking kids around. I won't mention all the stuff we talked about - girl talk, helped along by the drinks. And speaking of drinks, I drank about one third of a margarita and felt tongue tied. That's how long it's been since I've had anything to drink, asides from a beer or two since Liam was born. 
The night pictured above, made me feel like I was with my high school girlfriends again, hittin' the divey bars of San Francisco.  Or small local bars in the East Village or Brooklyn.  We only talked about the kids a little bit.  And the husbands just a little bit. Mostly we talked about....well, again, I won't go there. (haha!). 
And, the Elks Club!  A little piece of SLO I didn't know about.  I drove there and it was kind of creepy foggy outside, maybe it felt that way cause the Elks Club is across from the cemetary and down the street from the Drive-in and a trailer park.  So, thick fog, a near deserted parking lot and a club that hasn't changed since 1972 or so.  Tina had to come let me in, cause it's private and you have to be a member (some friends are members so they can use the pool with the kids, and maybe the husbands can go and watch a game or schmooze).  And we were the only ones there besides the bartender.  I've only watched two episodes of True Blood, but it was very True Blood.  I expected to find a body in the bathroom, or meet a vampire if I left by myself to go out to my car.  And the new Hipstamatic app on my fancy new phone captured just the right feel for the night- nostalgia for things past.

But the first night I went out this week was on Thursday for the premiere of the latest Twilight movie, Breaking Dawn.  I don't know what was more exciting, the movie (eh.....) or going out for the first time with friends since baby (yes!).  My mom watched the kids, I managed to get Liam to sleep before I left, and luckily he is a pretty good sleeper (gracias mi amor!).  Lots of etrogen in the theatre that night!  We sat on Team Edward side.  And I succombed to peer pressure and went to Robyn's house afterwards where she had such a cool themed spread!  Decorations, drinks, and an Edward replica (see above).
So, thanks ladies!  Thanks for convincing me to come out and have a few moments to feel like someone other than a wife and mom...

Apples and mud

We picked apples the other day with friends.  Lupe inherited rain boots and she and her friends could not resist the mud puddles.  For a moment I thought, "Oh no, you're going to get all muddy, I don;t know if I have a change of clothes...."  But then I realized, it was only my own laziness not wanting to deal with the mess. Kids should get muddy in mud puddles when the opportunity arises.  So she did.  And I did happen to have a change of clthes in the car. It all worked out.  And since that day she has been asking to eat apples all the time.
Letting children play. Giving them opportunities to see where food comes frm. This is what it's all about.

Therapies

Stay tuned........... I'll soon be writing about our experience with cranio sacral therapy.  And I am reading the page of the Institute for the Achievement of Human Potential In Philadelphia, we have friends in Mexico that have taken their daughter there who has Trisomy 14.
Update- went to cranio sacral therapy today, good session i think. i'm excited about this.
From the website http://upledger.com/content.asp?id=26 "CST is a gentle, hands-on method of evaluating and enhancing the functioning of a physiological body system called the craniosacral system - comprised of the membranes and cerebrospinal fluid that surround and protect the brain and spinal cord.
Using a soft touch generally no greater than 5 grams, or about the weight of a nickel, practitioners release restrictions in the craniosacral system to improve the functioning of the central nervous system."

small steps

My little guy will be 4 months old tomorrow.  That's a third of a year! How did that happen?  I am having a little inner battle, which I am sure is quite normal.  I have friends having babies and I find that I am not as excited to hang out and see their new babies because I know that even the ones months younger than my Liam, will more than likely be reaching developmental milestones a lot quicker than my guy and that makes me just feel....weird.  I want to hang out and I will.  Perhaps it is human nature to compare things, people.  But I really want to concentrate on focusing on the positive and taking things a day at a time. So on that note, today Liam did something new!
To help him learn to roll over, I put him on his back and start to lead him to the side by pulling slightly behind his knee and bringing it over.  When I did this last week with him, his arm would stay stuck under his torso, but today.....he was able to pull it out from under him, several times!  These little things seem big.  And it's strange to be so totally conscious of every thing rather than just playing with my baby.  But, it is what it is. His leg and neck strength seems to be better in some positions than in others.  When I hold him facing me, he will push out from me and his head is up and strong, but when he is sitting in my lap facing out, he slumps it a lot. Our little guy is laughing more, with direct stimulation, asi que econtramos donde le da cosquilla. We found his tickle spots!
As for Lupe, this last week she surprised us with two things she seems to have learned on her own.  She spells her name "L.U.P.E." ( I am so certain she will be an early reader).  And she asked me if I wanted Ariel the mermaid's phone number and then said  my phone number (missing one # only). It's true, they are sponges.
"By the age of three, the toddler's brain has formed about 1,000 trillion pathways or synapses ­ about twice as many as his mom or dad have. The toddler's brain is super dense and primed for learning. When a pathway is used repeatedly, it becomes permanent; a pathway used infrequently is lost. Children whose parents speak, read and play with them during these early years have more highly developed brains with better language and learning skills.
Around age three, research indicates a growth spurt in a toddler's head circumference and a dramatic increase in activity in the two major language regions of the brain. At the same time, a toddler's vocabulary surges from about 900 words to around 3,000 words before age five." http://www.growupreading.org/toddlers/index.php?section=210
This is my update for now, it has been a long day and I am going to try and actually go to bed early, though it is so nice to have some mellow time without the kids!

Fairies and bumblebees oh my

 It has been a busy and over stimulating week!  Halloween, my favorite holiday. I love to dress up, I love to see others in costume. And I LOVE the fact that I can make my own kids costumes!  We went to Farmer's Market tonight, and while I saw a lot of very cute kids, I have to say, the home made costumes are the best. I also love seeing the whole family as a theme.  Parents as pirates, with kid parrot was a good one- we did the same thing 2 years ago.
We did a march through downtown, ending up at the park with a food drive for the Food Bank.  Muchos ninos.  Decided against returning downtown- I am keeping my 3 year old away from trick or treating for candy as much as possible.  Last year even the parents were pushy about it.  And Lupe already did trick or treating at preschool today (where as far as I could tell, she had the only hand made costume!)  And my Liam was also going to be a fairy, but I decided to put him in Lupe's first costume.
Below is Lupe as a flower fairy with her amiga Asiely in a photo taken by my friend Robyn Berry, a very talented family photographer who has been doing fun photo shoots at the park.
And we haven't even gotten to carving pumpkins yet!  In this town, Halloween is not just a night, it lasts a week!

Toys and Play

Here's my little guy grabbing toys for the first time!  He has been grabbing at clothes for a while, my clothes - or whoever is holding him- his own shirts.  I'll give him his new diaper to grab onto while I change him.  But toys are going to be our new thing.
The OT (occupational therapist) came yesterday and showed us new exercises and play things to do with him.  I had not been wanting to read much about DS, perhaps I was in denial (natural), but also, he is a pretty "normal" baby so far.  But I am starting to read and am now realizing that the more intervention, stimulation, therapy done with him now, the better for his development.
So our new vocabulary involves words like hypotonia (low muscle tone).  And we will probbaly arrange some cranio sacral therapy soon.  Anything we can do to aid his development.

National Down Syndrome month

http://www.parents.com/blogs/to-the-max/2011/10/06/uncategorized/having-a-child-with-down-syndrome-what-nobody-tells-you/

What to say

A friend came over the other day and at one point she started talking about Liam and if I was into being part of any support groups, or meeting other families with DS kids, etc.  Then she asked if it was ok that she talked about this stuff this way. And i said yes.  For the most part everyone has spoken to me in just the right way about my little guy.  I mean, for many it can be awkward, and people are not sure what to say.   But everyone in the beginning said just the right things, such loving support, it made me cry, in a good way.
Here is one mom's ideas:
http://www.parents.com/blogs/to-the-max/2011/07/25/uncategorized/what-to-say-to-parents-of-kids-with-special-needs/

Super Lupe

Realized Wednesday night at 11 pm that the next day it was Super Hero Day at preschool.  Good thing I am handy with a sewing machine!  So she put her new cape on over her Big Sister dress that I also made her.  The funny thing is that I also had to explain to Lupe what a super hero was.  It hadn't come up before.  So I started by saying how moms and dads were super heros because they do everything they can for their kids to be healthy and happy.  Then, I talked about how drs and firefighters save peoples lives, so they are super heros too.  Then I explained how some fun ones in stories have super powers: flying, being strong, running fast, etc.  And I asked Lupe, "What super power would you like to have?"  And she responded, "A princess!"  Ok then.

Yes she wants to hold Liam

In the first photo Lupe was fast asleep.  A friend came over to play and we did everything, but she would not wake up!  Even when we put her brother on her lap.  Second photo, well, self explanatary.  A couple weeks ago I realized I haven't had Lupe hold her brother much.  When I asked her if she wanted to hold him on her lap, she said "Yes!"  in such an excited way that I realized it just simply wasn't happening enough.  Now I want to make sure that every day she has a chance to hold him.
Her excitement was similar to when, returning from a birthdday party she asked for a dulce (candy) and I thought about it, and said yes.  Now, she has hardly ever eaten dulces.  Cake, yes. Ice cream too.  But our pinatas usually have toys.  So when I said yes to the candy, she said, "Oh mom!  I've always wanted a dulce! I'm so happy!"

Bath pictures

People say they look alike.

All this laughing Liam is doing now is pretty tiring stuff.  After the day he laughed for the first time (he did it on demand when Pedro came home from work!), he slept 9 hours!!

Yesterday he turned 3 months old, end of the "fourth trimester".  And I will never have a newborn baby again.  Oh, being a mom is so bittersweet! 

Liam's main goal in life now is to put his hand in his mouth.  He spends a long time looking at, mostly his right hand, and watching it circle in the air in front of his face, waving it around and trying to master control of his body and get that dang thing in his mouth!

I remember when Lupe was at this stage.  But now Lupe is 3 and goes to preschool- and LOVES it!  She colors within the shapes in a coloring book and says funny things.  The other day while taking a bath she said, "Mom, my legs are going to get married- to each other!".

Here is a photo of Lupe at around the same age Liam is now, 3 months.  I think she is taking a rest after a long morning of trying to suck on her fingers.

So rest ye children! Tomorrow is another day!

A fine day, a grand day, a smiley day!

Here's what an accomplished day today was.  I loaded- and unloaded!- the dishwasher.  I hung diapers on the line to dry.  Inspired by my friend Sarah, who although not feeling well, still did a shaving cream art project with her girls- I cut up plastic shapes from the recycle, and Lupe and I Modgepodged colored tissue paper on them.  My husband came home and smelled food cooking.  Meaning I actually decided by 4 pm what we are having for dinner.

But here is the BEST part of the day.  While Lupe was playing in her playhouse (the fabulous one several months in the making by her fab Grandpa), I sat on the playhouse's front step holding Liam in my lap.  I thumped his hand like a heart beat: thump-thump, thump-thump, etc.  And....he laughed!  He giggled!! OMG- it was the first time he has ever giggled and I melted into blissful happiness to hear it!

Edward and the Special Olympics

The first screening of the last Twilight movie, Breaking Dawn will benefit the Special Olympics here in SLO.  And that got me thinking: the Special Olympics is for people with physical handicaps.  Down Syndrome is a mental handicap, but there are some physical differences too.  Is this relevant to my Liam?  Would he ever participate in this?
Which reminds me again that I am semi-purposely not thinking too much about his future as a child, then as an adult with DS.  I don't like looking at his sweet baby face and thinking about the limits he will have.   A baby is full of possibility don't you think? So I am not doing any research about what he may or may not be able to do.  I don't know too much more about DS than the average person.
All that being said, I want to go to this screening!

Letter to Liam at almost 3 months old

My sweet baby Liam,
Time will go by fast and you will grow and change before we know it dear Liam, cliched but true.  You will be my last baby and I want to remember everything.  You are almost 3 months old (in 10 days), end of the "fourth trimester" as it is sometimes called.  A regular baby- not a newborn.  I want to remember how you grab onto my shirt when I hold or nurse you.  And how now you are starting to grab onto your own shirt too.  Your smiles are becoming slightly more frequent and the other day you smiled and then simply, gazed up at me in awe as if saying, "Oh mom, it's you!"
And of course there is all your grunting and growling. Lupe now repeats me all the time saying, "Liam is a noisy baby".  Speaking of growling, and of Lupe. This morning around  6 I had nursed you and put you down in bed and you were snorting, wheezing, growling, like you do, and Lupe popped up out of her bed and said "It's Ok Liam".  She really loves you.
I put you on your tummy to help you work on your neck strength.  This is the first thing we want you to get good at.  And while that will make it easier to hold you, and put you in carriers, it also is one marker of the end of your helpless newborn stage and thus, the first thing I will lose and never have again.
When you're older you can gloat to your sister that you were a much better sleeper than she was.  Just as your Tia Maggie rubs it in to your Tio Pat that she was potty trained faster.
You chose a special family to be born into mi amor, nuestro padre celestial...You are surrounded by love.
I love you.

pink

"I am a boy and yes, I can wear pink diapers if I want to."

Birth Story: Part 2

*Scroll further down the blog for Birth Story: Part 1

We get to the hospital, and I just hear chaos. So I keep my eyes closed, even as they transfer me- still on all fours- to the gurney and I think I hear nurses fighting about which elevator to take.  They were agitated about something, and it ruined all the tranquility of laboring at home in the tub.  And still, I am pushing. And the nurses are frantically saying, "Don't push!"  while my doula, God bless her (this is why I have her) is whispering in my ear, "It's ok to push, do what your body needs to do".  At some point, I don't remember when, someone asks, "Have you called your ob?"  Oh, no.  I guess we were rather distracted.  And then...

The next little while is fuzzy in my memory. We haven't even registered at the hospital  ( I did it online, where is that info?).  Yes it's a VBAC, name, DOB, etc. 
It was intense.  I think I remember being on all fours and it being said that something wasn't right for baby, so I labored on my side for a while, and at the end I was on my back.  And I had some moments of worry- I thought maybe I wouldn't be able to do this. I have never worked so hard or exherted such physical strength.
Dr suggested a vaccum to help. OK, anything to help me do this.  She never mentioned a cesarean.  The vacuum being placed hurt like hell. Contractions I could deal with, bit with this I actually yelled "Ouch!"  But then it didn;t take that much longer and.... the head!  I got that hige McGrath head out! And what I had dreamed of for so long occurred not too long after that. The swoosh of baby's body sliding out of me.  Oh. My. God.  It was beyond words.  I felt like that was what I had worked so hard for. 6:00 pm.
I was so stunned and amazed that I had actually done it that the next bit is fuzzy, I heard that his umbilical cord was unusually short and they had to clip it right away.  And I heard someone say "grandson"  and I said, "We have a boy?"  But I knew, I wasn't surprised.  Since I didn't review the birth plan after arriving at the hospital no one remembered that Pedro and I wanted to announce the sex.  What is very vivid in my memory is that my IV came out and they were trying to reattach something to my hand and I watched as a nurse held my bundled baby in her arms and gazed down at him and I thought; that should be me looking at him right now. He should be looking at me.  But then he was given to me. And he latched!  At least I had him on my breast briefly before we learned the next news. At some point we were told that he had the characteristics of a baby with Down Syndrome and that they would need to take him to the NICU to evaluate him.  I was surprised and yet I wasn't.

So I had my baby for around half an hour and then they took him upstairs and I couldn't see him for another 3 hours or so.

I was encouraged to rest that night, but how could I?  Of course I was tired but I wanted to be with my baby!  Our second visit and he had tubes in his nose, some oxygen help.  And I went, again and again, trying to breastfeed and hold a newborn with tubes all over him and beeping sounds as our lullaby.
The staff was great.  The doctors too.  And all the friends and family, los seres queridos, who drove me to the hospital, or offered to take my pumped milk while I stayed at home and slept, or brought meal after meal.  You all helped us get through one of the hardest two weeks of my life.  And he is home now, healthy and thriving. And surrounded by love.

Learning

Something has been coming up occassionally and it bothers me. I am having a hard time reading about my 2 month old baby's future as a kid with "lower-than-average cognitive ability" or "The average IQ of children with Down syndrome is around 50, compared to normal children with an IQ of 100.^" This brings up so many mixed emotions as I think about Liam's future.  How can I look at my perfect baby and be told what his intelligence will be? It just seems so totally absurd.  And then we could talk about what intelligence really means, or different kinds of intelligence.
Will he be integrated in a "normal" classroom, or in Special Ed?  Will he go to college? How much will his life differ from the "normal"?  Not that "normal" is good- argh! it's getting confusing even trying to figure out what I want to say.  I feel like I know so little about what life will be like with him- yes, yes I know, no one does know their kids future.

A good life lesson here I think.  I want to be very present with him.  Enjoy and learn from every moment.  Life will offer us so many teachable moments and I want to take advantage of all of them.  Slow down.  Do projects. Get messy. Play outside. I have worked as an art teacher and I feel like my best art projects should be with my kids and I don't think I've done that with Lupe. I'm always too tired or busy or soemthing. I don't want to be like that anymore.

Footnote: Last night I was reading and found put that Dr Sears- you know, author of many baby books- has a child with Down Syndrome- somehow this felt reassuring.

Two months old today!

Liam Alexander is two months old today!  I thought he was two months last weekend, Sunday to be exact, but was informed that no, he was merely 8 weeks, but being born on the 3rd of July, today, September 3, he is two month old.

He is thriving and healthy and so am I.  Well, I may not be thriving, but I walked downtown to Art after Dark with Lupe (holding baby Curious George in her own front pack) and Liam in the Baby Bjorn (ouch back- need to try the Ergo).  Saw a fab exhibit at Linnaeas.  I felt very competent. Yeah me!

Feliz cumpleanos mi amor!

Two kids

I have been thinking about what I have learned in the two months since I have been the mom of two.  Yes, it is overwhelming. Yes, it gets easier.  Like so many things in life, it is often the anticipation of something new that is harder and scarier than the actual thing.
I thought I'd never see my baby leave the NICU, but he did.  I thought I'd never get the hang of leaving the house with both of them, but we do now.  I thought successful breastfeeding was a long way off, but at two months we are doing well.  I thought the dermatitis might last forever, but it is getting better.  I had no idea how I would put Lupe to bed with baby Liam around and needing me at the most inopportune moment, but we have figured it out.
I think the hardest thing at the beginning was that I mourned the loss of an era with Lupe, of it being just the two of us.  I was really sad.
Or maybe the hardest part was thinking I would never have me time again.
And having to say all the time, "I can do that with you later, when I'm not holding the baby".
I have one last thought: about books.  I have used books to help prepare Lupe for things like the dentist and preschool and potty training.  But when it comes to welcoming a new baby into the house, so many children's books had the older sibling going through some jealousy, or wanting to send the baby back to wherever he came from.  I know this happens, but.... why plant the idea in the kids head?  Get that book after your child shows some of those feelings, but not before.  I tried to keep it positive- The following photo has a couple books I liked.

It's been challenging for sure, but actually in many ways easier than expected.  Liam has had issues, but he is actually a very easy baby. Quiero mucho a mis hijitos, mis dos amores.